Remembering Skyler 12-18-08

This is the last picture taken of us. 5-28-06
Kamryn and Skyler's son Braxton. They are best best friends

Here I go...take a deep breath. So today would have been my brother's 27th birthday. I have never talked about this publicly like this, I have talked to family and friends but is just isn't the easiest thing to write about and express how I feel. This year has been special in the fact that I put together a memory book for my parents that I am giving them tonight. I got a hold of ALOT of his friends (45 to be exact) and they emailed me funny stories and memories about my brother. I always knew he was a very special person but I had no idea the impact he had on almost everyone he came in contact with. I felt I owe this to Skyler and his son Braxton. My brother had everything going for him. Growing up he was very popular, extremely good looking, straight A student, football player, eagle scout, honor society, ect. He got caught up in drugs and passed away June 11, 2006. He died three weeks after Kamryn was born. The crazy thing is Kamryn was three weeks early. She was supposed to be born the day he actually passed away. I don't think there are coincidences, I know now why she was born early. Skyler got to hold her once. It was a week before he got out of rehab. He got to leave on good behavior for a few hours. He came up to my parent's house and we had a family get together. Braxton his 5 month old son was also there. We laughed and got a few pictures. Little did we know this would be the last picture we took of him. A week later he was gone. It was a Sunday morning, 8:30 to be exact. I was sleeping and Travis was up with Kamryn. Travis came in to the room and handed me the phone, he said "It's your dad". Normally my dad would talk to Travis but not today. He asked to specifically talk to me. I got a sick feeling to my stomach. I said "Hi Dad", he didn't say anything, I could hear him clearing his throat. I just knew but I continued "Dad, what is it" and he just said it "Skyler died". I think the world stopped at that moment and my heart was pounding out of my chest. I couldn't register the words. I asked him over and over "No he's not, what do you mean, what happened, I don't understand" then I just dropped the phone. I told Travis and he kept saying "No, he is just at the hospital right? He is not really gone" I remember rolling up in a ball in my closet and just screaming. Travis was frantically gathering up Kamryn's things and took her to his parents. They were at church but one of his sister's was home. I remember we went right up to my parents. I was going up to see my parent's and have that conversation that you never dream of having. It was horrible. We all just cried and sat silent. What do you say. Skyler was gone. The next day was Monday and we had funeral arrangements to make. We all went together to pick out the coffin, write the obituary, decide who would talk, what music we would have. At that moment I remembered a song that someone in my single's ward had sung. It was a song by Jenny Phillips called "Every breath". It is one of the most beautiful songs I have ever heard and I remember when she sung it in church. I just cried, I was so touched, little did I know it would be sung at my brothers funeral. Here are the lyrics:

Every Breath

His hands are catching your tears
And even without any words He hears
You feel so far, but He's right where you are and He knows
Every Breath, every pain
He knows your heart and He knows your name
The giver of life, the light in your soul
Oh come home, come rest, let Him bless
Your every breath
Silence your voice and be still
And even without any words you will feel
You think you're far, but He lives in your heart and He knows
Every breath, every pain
He knows your heart and He knows your name
The giver of life, the light in your soul
Oh come home, come rest, let him bless
Your every breath
There's nowhere you can go
That He hasn't been below
Every breath, every pain
He knows your heart and He knows your name
The giver of life, the light in your soul
Oh come home, come rest, let Him bless
Your every breath

So, my mom knew the perfect girl in her ward to sing it and it was perfect. I do believe that Christ knows our hearts, he knows our pain, he knows everything we struggle with. He knew everything Skyler struggled with and now he is home. After that the following months were a blur. The only thing that kept me going was Kamryn. I had a newborn to take care of. I couldn't feel sorry for myself and check out, I had to take care of her so I did. I don't remember enjoying her much, holding her but I did what I had to do and I got through it. I remember being really angry alot. I remember being mad at Skyler. How could he put us through this? Why couldn't he get better? Why couldn't having a child make him change?! I obviously didn't understand addiction. I remember people telling me "Jamie, it's ok, families are forever" and "don't be sad, you will see him again someday" and I remember my blood just boiling and wanting to scream "It's not that easy!!" They mean well and everything they say IS true but It still hurts and it doesn't bring him back and it doesn't change anything in my small world. I started questioning my testimony. Do I really have that much faith? How could Heavenly Father let this happen to me and my family. Why don't I feel comforted knowing that he is home and that he is happy?! I remember watching the news shortly after this and hearing the bishop that had just lost his wife and children in a car accident due to a drunk driver and here he was on TV forgiving the man that took his family and being so positive and again talking about how families are forever and he will see them again. I called my parents in the middle of the night bawling and so ticked because this bishop has to be in denial!! How can he feel that way? He just lost his whole family?!
Last summer in 2007 we had the opportunity to do my brother's temple work. I remember sitting in the chapel before and feeling very peaceful. We were also doing my grandpa's temple work at the same time. So my dad did SKy's and Travis did my grandpa's. After the session when we were all in the celestial room I have never felt Skyler so strongly since he had passed then I did in that moment. He was there, he was happy, I could feel it. We were all together as a family again. I understand now believing in something that we can't see. Having faith. It is real and it is true. At that moment I got it. I no longer felt angry. I had to let it go. Families are FOREVER and I will see him again and I can't wait until that day comes that I can hug him again and tell him how much I love him. The temple truly is our heaven on earth. That is the closest I will get to him on this earth so that also gives me motivation to go more and to do our lord's work. How happy all of those other spirits will be when I can also meet them and they will thank us.
Many of you ask about my parents. They are doing really good. They are service missionaries for the church. They do the addiction recovery 12 step program. They love it and those kids and people love them. They truly are making a difference in people's lives. They are able to help so many people and they are amazing.

So today I celebrate Skyler's life. He was a friend to everyone. He loved everyone. He was always there for me. He was not only my brother but my best friend. He was my only sibling. We never fought, we just had eachother and we cherised that. Life is so short. We never know when we will lose our friends or kids or siblings, or parents. Enjoy every moment. Tell them you love them. Love them unconditionally. I would do anything to tell my brother how much I really loved him and I would give anything to hug him again. Skyler, I love you. Thanks for being my guardian angel. Till we meet again....

Family Pictures

So I had my good friend Jen take my family pictures. Her business is Simple Moments and her blog is jjsimplemomentsphotos.blogspot.com. Surprisingly enough the kids cooperated and we didn't have any meltdowns!! This is a first :) Thanks so much Jen, they turned out awesome!

re'D'fined

So my friend Darci is so TALENTED and does this amazing job of refinishing furniture. She refinished a changing table, rocking chair, night stand and armoire for me. I wish I had the "before" pictures because they were not so pretty. It is so much cheaper then buying new furniture and she can refinish anything and make it look fabulous. Many of you have seen some of her stuff in my house and asked me who did it and she has a business so here is how you can contact her. Her name is Darci Liptrot and her email is mailto:darci@liptrotconstruction.com. Her business name is re'D'fined. She also does darling clocks for the fraction of the price you would pay at the store and they are amazing. She also sells vintage hats and furniture. Thanks Darci!!

Halloween Shindig

The cousins! Zach and Chloe. We went to Grandma and Grandpa Bowers that night to go trick or treating

Aunt Camille and my new niece Chloe. Isn't she PRECIOUS?!

Aunt Carla with the babies

Kamryn and Zach. They had so much fun trick or treating together.

We stopped by my Grandma Preece's so my parents and grandparents could see the kids

Getting ready for the big night

Isn't she a cute cheerleader or what?! She had the chant down "Weber State, Weber State, Great, Great, Great!!

We had quite the crazy day. I decided to be brave and take the kids up to Weber State to visit my mom during the day. Dax had a blow out, Alexis puked, and Kamryn had a melt down. Not so sure it was the best idea but Grandma sure had fun showing off the kids!!

My babes are 4 Months!

We went to our ward Halloween party Saturday. Kamers was at gradma Preece's.
Ladybug and Turtle!

My little Daxers is such a HAPPY baby! He is so easy going and so chill. He is so patient and always smiling.

Alexis loves the camera! She is getting so vocal. when you talk to her she makes sounds and you can tell she wants to talk back so bad! She is stubborn and a little intense...just like her older sister :) She sure has a pretty smile!!



So my babies turned four months yesterday. They went to their checkups today and here are their stats:

Dax- 14 lbs and 23.7 inches (45%)
Alexis- 12.5 pounds and 24 inches (35%)

Yeah! They finally made the charts! I thought that Dax would have weighed more, he is such a chunk! There is alot of him to love! He has some healthy thighs and Alexis is pretty petite but still growing! I can't believe they are already four months. It goes by way to fast!

Spouse Tag

. Where did we meet? At Pineview
2. How long did we date before we married? 15 months
3. How long have we been married? 6 years
4. He surprises me by.... writing me cute letters
5. My favorite feature of him is.... his huge LIPS
6. His nicknames for me are... lynnathon, shadow
7. His favorite food... "man food" which usually is a lot of meat...and icecream
8. His favorite sport .... it's a toss up between golf and soccer
9. Where was our first kiss? Our first date, my apartment
10. Our favorite thing to do? Go on walks, sit on our porch and shoot the breeze
11. Any children? Three
12. Any hidden talents? He can put a whole pop can in his mouth and twist his eyelids inward
13. How old is he? 3o
14. Who said I love you first? He did
15. Favorite type of music? Metallica, pennywise, Neil Dimond...yes, quite the variety
16. I admire him most for.... His positive outlook on life and big heart
17. Do I think he'll read this? Nope, he hardly checks his email so he definitely doesn't look at our blog!!

Six down, Eternity to go!!

<

So tomorrow is our six year anniversary! I can't believe it has already been six years. Time goes by so fast. It's funny...when you get married I think you have unrealistic views of how "the marriage" should be... at least I did. I thought that just because I married a returned missionary, got married in the temple, did everything the way I should that we would live happily ever after and our life would be perfect.......not that easy! People don't tell you that it is HARD and a lot of WORK. We have been through so much but it is so WORTH IT! I honestly have the best husband in the world. We met up at pineview. I was there with my roommates and he came running through the sand and jumped on my towel and started talking to me. We hung out for a few hours, went out that night, and the next, and the night after that...and a little over a year later got married in the Bountiful Temple. He has got to be the funniest person I know. Seriously, the things that come out of that man's mouth. He also has such a big heart. He will do anything for anyone. I am so lucky to have him as my husband. When I was on bed rest for those three months I got to see him in a different light. Not only did he go to work all day but he came home and did dishes, laundry, bathed Kamryn, cleaned the house, went grocery shopping, pretty much did everything and NEVER COMPLAINED. Honey, I love you and adore you. Thanks for being the best hubby ever! Happy Anniversary!!
draft

Quirky Me!

So I was tagged my Marcie...

1. I am OBSESSED with clean baseboards. I don't know what it is but I have to have clean baseboards. I have tried to let it go but I can't. I clean them a few times a week. If I can't get them all the way clean then I will repaint them. When I was on bed rest and had to look at them every day and couldn't do anything about it I about had a nervous break down. Ask my husband :)

2. I love huge snakes but am terrified of the tiniest spider. I actually want a big yellow python but Travis told me he would get a pet trianchula so I have come to terms that it will never happen.

3. I check to see if my curling iron is on and if my garage it shut SEVERAL times a day. Whenever Trav and I go anywhere and we are driving out of the neighborhood I usually make him turn around so I can check to see if I left my curling iron on. Yes, I have been miles away from my house and still turned around. (It has never been on and the garage has never been open by the way) My neighbor even has a key to my house and I have called her also to check. Am I a freak or what?!

4. I hardly ever read but when I do I have to read the entire book that night. I can't put it down. I read all of the twilight series in a week.

5. I eat a pb&J sandwich every day for lunch. That's all that ever really sounds good and I am to lazy to make anything else I guess.

6. I shop online but hardly ever "check out". Yes, I am a recovering shopaholic and so it makes me feel better to get online and put a bunch of stuff I want in my cart but I can finally control it and just leave it in the cart.

7. I love to pick skin and scabs. I know it is disgusting. I love in the summer time when I peel a little and get to pick off big chunks of skin. Travis gets mad at me because I do it a little bit to the babies right now (the cradle cap thing drives me insane).

8. I can't look in the mirrors at night. I don't know why but it freaks me out. I think I am going to see something behind me or something scary in the mirror. I think it stems from when I was a little girl and used to do the "bloody Mary" thing in the mirror with my friends. Did anyone else do that?!

So there you have it...am I a weirdo or what?!

Baby Blessings!!

Sunday we blessed Dax and Alexis. They were such angels and didn't make a peep through the blessing or meeting. Kamryn on the other hand....she was a handful. Trav and I are so blessed that the twins are here and healthy. They bring such a sweet spirit into our homes. Babies truly are such a blessing. I love the saying "You are everything I never knew I always wanted". That is how I feel about my kids. I always knew that some day I would want to have kids but I wasn't the type that wanted to get married and start a family right away. Kids actually scared me. I was never really around babies so I was scared I would be a bad mom and would not know what to do with them :) I know, it sounds funny. But...I could not imagine my life without them. They bring us so much joy and happiness. The love you have for them is so powerful. They truly are little gifts from heaven!!