I was going through old emails and deleting them when I found this. It brings me to tears every time I read it. Life really is so short and it reminds me that we need to slow down and focus our time and energy on things that are REALLY important. It is labeled "To my daughter" but I changed it to my children:
*Just for this morning, I am going to step over the laundry, and pick you up and take you to the park to play. *Just for this morning, I will leave the dishes in the sink, and let you teach me how to put that puzzle of yours together.. *Justfor this afternoon, I will unplug the telephone and keep the computer off, and sit with you in the backyard and blow bubbles. *Just for this afternoon on, I will not yell once, not even a tiny grumble when you scream and whine for the ice cream truck and I will buy you one if he comes by. *Just for this afternoon, I won't worry about what you are going to be when you grow up, or second guess every decision I have made where you are concerned. *Just for this afternoon, I will let you help me bake cookies, and I won't stand over you trying to fix them. *Just for this afternoon, I will take us to McDonald's and buy us both a Happy Meal so you can have both toys. *Just for this evening, I will hold you in my arms and tell you a story about how you were born and how much I love you. *Just for this evening, I will let you splash in the tub and not get angry. *Just for this evening, I will let you stay up late while we sit on the porch and count all the stars. *Just for this evening, I will snuggle beside you for hours, and miss my favorite TV shows. *Just for this evening when I run my finger through your hair as you pray, I will simply be grateful that God has given me the greatest gift ever given. *I will think about the mothers And fathers who are searching for their missing children, the mothers and fathers who are visiting their children's graves instead of their bedrooms, and mothers and fathers who are in hospital rooms watching their children suffer senselessly, and screaming inside that they can't handle it anymore. *And when I kiss you good night I will hold you a little tighter, a little longer. It is then, that I will thank God for you, and ask Him for nothing, except one more day............. *
Valentines Day! This is actually Kamryn. A few pictures down I have Alexis in the same dress and they are the same age in these photos. Look at her pimpin that helmet! Can you tell that Alexis is teething in this pic?! That would be Bo's chops above Alexis's head Of course Dax has to sport a Yankees T! Daddy's shadow This is Dax with his BFF Miles First ride in the new stroller! My mom and I on our Birthday's! Of course her eyes are shut in all her pictures Dax is our little drool monster. He wakes up to a pile of slobber every morning! Kamryn came up to me and said "look at my ice cream cone!" It is the thingy to suck out the boogies! So it's been like 3 months since I have updated my blog. It has been a crazy three months that's for sure! So in a nutshell this is what we have been up to:
Had a fantastic humbling Christmas. My neighbors did the 12 days of Christmas for us and they are truly AMAZING people. We also got a lot of help from my parents, Trav's parents and siblings. We have been going through tough times and our families have really been there to help us out.
Celebrated Travis's birthday. He turned 31!
Celebrated my birthday...the big 30 and also my mom's birthday on the same day!
Travis decided to go back to school. He got accepted into Gonzaga's graduate program for Organizational Leadership. (No we are not moving, he will do it remotely thank goodness!)
I went back to work part time. I work at America First Credit Union in the collections dept. at night three days a week.
Travis lost his job in February.
It has been crazy and hard but I know that things will get better and that this is just a short trial that we have to push through and have faith!!
I can't complain because we really have been so blessed. We have amazing kids that are happy and healthy, great family and friends who are always there to help us out, a gracious heavenly father who knows what we are going though and continues to give us strengh to endure through the hard times!
The kids are getting so big. Kamryn is almost three. Sometimes I feel like she is 15. The words that come out of that girls mouth! I took her to the dentist a few weeks ago and when the nurse asked her to get up on the chair so they could look at her teeth she looked up at her and said " In a few minutes, you need to be patient". Seriously?! She loves Disney shows right now and is obsessed with the villans on the shows, it is hilarious. She is so smart and loves to learn. She really has been so good with the babies. She will get down on the floor and play with them and of course shows them who is the boss when it comes to the toys. Dax and Alexis are nine months old! I can't believe it! A few things about Dax: -VERY VERY busy! -army crawling around the house -loves to laugh and smile -Loves to be the center of attention and cries when you leave the room -Loves to put large objects over his head. (Kamryns baby stroller, the toy box,ect) -Gets into EVERYTHING. His new thing is dumping the dogs water over his head -Loves to eat and tries to take control of the spoon. Literally Travis has to hold down his arms in a straight jacket hold while I shovel food in his mouth -Is very loud and has started babbling ALOT! -21 lb BEEFER
A few things about ALexis: -Very easy going -Patient -Loves to play on her tummy but has no motivation to roll or crawl yet -Loves to scratch our faces off (seriously, don't let her get hold of your face!) -Loves to pet the dogs and is fascinated with them -Babbles alot and squels -LOVES food. She actually can eat Dax under the table! -Very happy and smiles alot -Very aware of her surroundings and observes everything -Protective over Dax. When he got his foot pricked the other day at the Dr. and he started crying she started crying -Tough. She is a tough cookie -Still small and petite -Can sit for an hour and just play with toys. Very good at entertaining herself
life is good and we can't complain. Even though we are going through these really hard times we continue to be blessed and have so much to be thankful for. We truly have been humbled through this experience. I have realized how little we can live on and how much we can live without. I never considered myself a "worldly" person but I like nice things and never had a hard time spending money to have them. Now I could care less and realize they are just "things" and at the end of the day they don't matter. I have realized how important it is to SAVE and be prepared for hard times. I am so grateful for the programs that the government has in place and never thought I would be on the receiving end of some of those but so grateful that we can. Like I said, Humbling. I will try to be better at updating. I feel like I don't have any free time anymore and when I do I try to make every minute count and spend quality time with the kiddos. Sorry about all the pictures. I need to figure out how to do the slide show. Hope all of you are well. Lots of Love
This is the last picture taken of us. 5-28-06 Kamryn and Skyler's son Braxton. They are best best friends Here I go...take a deep breath. So today would have been my brother's 27th birthday. I have never talked about this publicly like this, I have talked to family and friends but is just isn't the easiest thing to write about and express how I feel. This year has been special in the fact that I put together a memory book for my parents that I am giving them tonight. I got a hold of ALOT of his friends (45 to be exact) and they emailed me funny stories and memories about my brother. I always knew he was a very special person but I had no idea the impact he had on almost everyone he came in contact with. I felt I owe this to Skyler and his son Braxton. My brother had everything going for him. Growing up he was very popular, extremely good looking, straight A student, football player, eagle scout, honor society, ect. He got caught up in drugs and passed away June 11, 2006. He died three weeks after Kamryn was born. The crazy thing is Kamryn was three weeks early. She was supposed to be born the day he actually passed away. I don't think there are coincidences, I know now why she was born early. Skyler got to hold her once. It was a week before he got out of rehab. He got to leave on good behavior for a few hours. He came up to my parent's house and we had a family get together. Braxton his 5 month old son was also there. We laughed and got a few pictures. Little did we know this would be the last picture we took of him. A week later he was gone. It was a Sunday morning, 8:30 to be exact. I was sleeping and Travis was up with Kamryn. Travis came in to the room and handed me the phone, he said "It's your dad". Normally my dad would talk to Travis but not today. He asked to specifically talk to me. I got a sick feeling to my stomach. I said "Hi Dad", he didn't say anything, I could hear him clearing his throat. I just knew but I continued "Dad, what is it" and he just said it "Skyler died". I think the world stopped at that moment and my heart was pounding out of my chest. I couldn't register the words. I asked him over and over "No he's not, what do you mean, what happened, I don't understand" then I just dropped the phone. I told Travis and he kept saying "No, he is just at the hospital right? He is not really gone" I remember rolling up in a ball in my closet and just screaming. Travis was frantically gathering up Kamryn's things and took her to his parents. They were at church but one of his sister's was home. I remember we went right up to my parents. I was going up to see my parent's and have that conversation that you never dream of having. It was horrible. We all just cried and sat silent. What do you say. Skyler was gone. The next day was Monday and we had funeral arrangements to make. We all went together to pick out the coffin, write the obituary, decide who would talk, what music we would have. At that moment I remembered a song that someone in my single's ward had sung. It was a song by Jenny Phillips called "Every breath". It is one of the most beautiful songs I have ever heard and I remember when she sung it in church. I just cried, I was so touched, little did I know it would be sung at my brothers funeral. Here are the lyrics:
His hands are catching your tears And even without any words He hears You feel so far, but He's right where you are and He knows Every Breath, every pain He knows your heart and He knows your name The giver of life, the light in your soul Oh come home, come rest, let Him bless Your every breath Silence your voice and be still And even without any words you will feel You think you're far, but He lives in your heart and He knows Every breath, every pain He knows your heart and He knows your name The giver of life, the light in your soul Oh come home, come rest, let him bless Your every breath There's nowhere you can go That He hasn't been below Every breath, every pain He knows your heart and He knows your name The giver of life, the light in your soul Oh come home, come rest, let Him bless Your every breath
So, my mom knew the perfect girl in her ward to sing it and it was perfect. I do believe that Christ knows our hearts, he knows our pain, he knows everything we struggle with. He knew everything Skyler struggled with and now he is home. After that the following months were a blur. The only thing that kept me going was Kamryn. I had a newborn to take care of. I couldn't feel sorry for myself and check out, I had to take care of her so I did. I don't remember enjoying her much, holding her but I did what I had to do and I got through it. I remember being really angry alot. I remember being mad at Skyler. How could he put us through this? Why couldn't he get better? Why couldn't having a child make him change?! I obviously didn't understand addiction. I remember people telling me "Jamie, it's ok, families are forever" and "don't be sad, you will see him again someday" and I remember my blood just boiling and wanting to scream "It's not that easy!!" They mean well and everything they say IS true but It still hurts and it doesn't bring him back and it doesn't change anything in my small world. I started questioning my testimony. Do I really have that much faith? How could Heavenly Father let this happen to me and my family. Why don't I feel comforted knowing that he is home and that he is happy?! I remember watching the news shortly after this and hearing the bishop that had just lost his wife and children in a car accident due to a drunk driver and here he was on TV forgiving the man that took his family and being so positive and again talking about how families are forever and he will see them again. I called my parents in the middle of the night bawling and so ticked because this bishop has to be in denial!! How can he feel that way? He just lost his whole family?! Last summer in 2007 we had the opportunity to do my brother's temple work. I remember sitting in the chapel before and feeling very peaceful. We were also doing my grandpa's temple work at the same time. So my dad did SKy's and Travis did my grandpa's. After the session when we were all in the celestial room I have never felt Skyler so strongly since he had passed then I did in that moment. He was there, he was happy, I could feel it. We were all together as a family again. I understand now believing in something that we can't see. Having faith. It is real and it is true. At that moment I got it. I no longer felt angry. I had to let it go. Families are FOREVER and I will see him again and I can't wait until that day comes that I can hug him again and tell him how much I love him. The temple truly is our heaven on earth. That is the closest I will get to him on this earth so that also gives me motivation to go more and to do our lord's work. How happy all of those other spirits will be when I can also meet them and they will thank us. Many of you ask about my parents. They are doing really good. They are service missionaries for the church. They do the addiction recovery 12 step program. They love it and those kids and people love them. They truly are making a difference in people's lives. They are able to help so many people and they are amazing.
So today I celebrate Skyler's life. He was a friend to everyone. He loved everyone. He was always there for me. He was not only my brother but my best friend. He was my only sibling. We never fought, we just had eachother and we cherised that. Life is so short. We never know when we will lose our friends or kids or siblings, or parents. Enjoy every moment. Tell them you love them. Love them unconditionally. I would do anything to tell my brother how much I really loved him and I would give anything to hug him again. Skyler, I love you. Thanks for being my guardian angel. Till we meet again....
So I had my good friend Jen take my family pictures. Her business is Simple Moments and her blog is jjsimplemomentsphotos.blogspot.com. Surprisingly enough the kids cooperated and we didn't have any meltdowns!! This is a first :) Thanks so much Jen, they turned out awesome!
So my friend Darci is so TALENTED and does this amazing job of refinishing furniture. She refinished a changing table, rocking chair, night stand and armoire for me. I wish I had the "before" pictures because they were not so pretty. It is so much cheaper then buying new furniture and she can refinish anything and make it look fabulous. Many of you have seen some of her stuff in my house and asked me who did it and she has a business so here is how you can contact her. Her name is Darci Liptrot and her email is mailto:firstname.lastname@example.org. Her business name is re'D'fined. She also does darling clocks for the fraction of the price you would pay at the store and they are amazing. She also sells vintage hats and furniture. Thanks Darci!!
The cousins! Zach and Chloe. We went to Grandma and Grandpa Bowers that night to go trick or treating
Aunt Camille and my new niece Chloe. Isn't she PRECIOUS?!
Aunt Carla with the babies
Kamryn and Zach. They had so much fun trick or treating together.
We stopped by my Grandma Preece's so my parents and grandparents could see the kids
Getting ready for the big night
Isn't she a cute cheerleader or what?! She had the chant down "Weber State, Weber State, Great, Great, Great!!
We had quite the crazy day. I decided to be brave and take the kids up to Weber State to visit my mom during the day. Dax had a blow out, Alexis puked, and Kamryn had a melt down. Not so sure it was the best idea but Grandma sure had fun showing off the kids!!
It all started at Pineview...Travis and I have been married for almost 6 years. We have a two year old Kamryn, newborn twins Dax and Alexis, and two springer spaniels. Our life is crazy but we couldn't be happier!